the Understanding...

It DOES usually begin because we want to change the outward... 

the jello legs, the protruding belly, maybe that aggravating excess that hangs out of our bras, the inability to sleep, the drive to choke your boss... 

maybe even your impatience with your children. 

Some people begin because it is their "doctor's orders" 

(or rather the last solution to try)

My yoga began 13 years ago...

I was teaching school, standing on concrete floors all day. My back hurt constantly... my feet. My stress level was off the charts because I had three mentees, head of two committees and had a class of 7 EC students, 8 AIG and a smattering between. And yes...IEPs for all of them that required lengthly documentation. I also had a hearing impaired student who required a full time staff support to sit beside him who parroted every word I said as well as a speaker that was connected to a mic I wore at all times. 

I had never heard of Yoga. 

A friend recommended a local Pilates class, boasting a stronger core would eliminate my back pain. I wasn't sleeping and overall pretty miserable. 

So I signed up! 

And I fell in love. But there were only two classes a week. The instructor taught a Yoga class two other days and enticed me to try it out. 

The first week hooked me! 

I had never felt better in my life and yet more relaxed when I left, despite the challenging workout.  

My back felt better almost immediately! 

I first noticed I could finally sleep. The pinch in my back no longer jabbing into my blissful dreams. 

(And it's just like the kid's book in reverse with that pesky mouse and his cookie) 

I slept...so I woke refreshed...spring in my step...eager to eat...which provided fuel for my body and brain...no more brain fog led to much more patience with my mate and my kindergarten students. 

My good relations inspired me to...

seek out more...

help more... 

love more. 

It was a win/win! 

A great by product was my jeans fit a little more comfortable instead of cutting into my belly when I sat and I wasn't constantly adjusting an ill fitted bra. 

Disclosure: It was never really about what I looked liked. It was my outlook and attitude on life. I was comfortable enough with who I was to not worry about what the tag said in my clothes. 

(it's amazing what little kids do for your ego when they think you are the best superhero teacher in the world). 

It didn't hurt either that I could wear huge, flowing dresses to teach in so I could have circle time and paint on the floor criss cross applesauce. Noone ever saw my buldges. 

But then my body morphed. Things shifted. Small muscles started showing definition. What a great side benefit! 

I felt better. I smiled more easily and always offered to be anything, anyone needed. 

Yoga: Self Improvement

Check!

My yoga then became a means to self improvement of my body. Pushing towards the next challenge, the next pose, that buldging muscle. 

Then life smacked me in the face! 

I taught too many classes so my body, again, began to hurt constantly. 

My strained marriage made my heart ache constantly and my yoga only gave me momentary eclipses from this reality that was always waiting for me around the next corner. 

It felt like a fiercesome tug of war on my heartstrings. 

Years, I lived like this... 

This was to be my life I told myself. 

THIS is what being a grown up means. 

I was angry...I shut down. I bit back. 

Where is this "healing" of mind, body and spirit I educated my own students about? 

Was I not worthy of this bliss? 

Fast forward seven years...

I've fought thyroid and hormone issues for three years now. My ex-husband told me those are issues overweight people make up to excuse their lack of discipline...

or they were all in my head...

or a physician's conspiracy to take my money.  

Despite the test results, 

the small observable benefits from the medications, 

The slight spring in my step again. 

But I wasn't quite ME again...yet.  

I doubted myself, my life, my physicians. 

This seed planted in my heart and mind from my spouse, made me believe I was crazy. I was a complainer. It was simply an issue of mind over matter. 

Then.. 

I saw a specialist this past month. I had three ultrasounds on that butterfly in my throat that wasn't as gracious as those summer beauties. 

And there was the answer. 

I had cystic nodes on my thyroid. No idea how long they had been there. 

I had to wait 3 weeks to have the recommended biopsy to determine if my life would take a detrimental turn. 

Three weeks. 

Single mother...trying to restart a life and yoga business in a new town...

insurance gone in two months. 

What the hell am I going to do? 

7 needle sticks, a waterfall of tears over the pain and discomfort during the process. 

Now I wait. 

The week wait never tormented me. "Whatever they find, I will deal with. 

Treatment, surgery, even death."

I planned and arranged. 

I didn't lose a moments sleep. 

There was an acceptance that had no explanation. 

None! 

My life is what it is. 

I will live each breath as I wish and to it's fullest. 

I accept my prognosis, 

my situation, 

my life...

as it is. 

Ahhhh... there is my Yoga. 

Gently cradling my heart. 

Be Yoga...

Be free. 

Image Sources: 

https://mobile.twitter.com/beyogahh 

http://ultrasound-videos.blogspot.com/2011/?m=1